Wednesday, May 31, 2017

Go places; and do something

I've always been bothered that there are so many places on this earth to go, that I won't be able to see. And I want to. I want to meet everyone I can. Whose to tell me I can't? Whose to tell me the farthest place I'll ever go is Florida. That I'll only ever see the east coast. Why is the deciding factor always MONEY. There is a whole planet, different countries, many cities- so many people; I'll never get to experience that. I'm not fine where I'm at. The Sagittarius in me wants to go go go. Explore. 
I've never moved as a kid- my mother still lives in the same house I grew up in. I live 15 minutes from that house. 
I've done some research in the past about the peace corps.... wish I jumped on that ship back in the day. 
One day Silas will be in college.... I'm planning to live abroad...
South Africa 
Cape Town perhaps. 
I will see you world..... I will.

Tuesday, February 28, 2017

SERIES II

I wanted to wait a bit before I told this story. But there is no good Segway that I can post after series one.  This wasn't my second experience, but it was definitely my most memorable.
There is this place around our county, every kid has tried to explore.
It's not a hidden gem. It's very well known. It's dangerous for three reasons.

  1. It's haunted
  2. It's guarded 
  3. It's falling apart 
The homestead asylum.
Also known as; the insane asylum.
In reality, it was a tuberculosis ward. 
You can read about the history if you wish, you can easily find it's location. That's not what this story is about. 
At age 20 there was no doubt in my mind that ghost exist. I've always felt that  they are drawn to me, unfortunately. My boyfriend felt differently (at the time) and didn't believe in any of that nonsense. And he was going to prove it. By taking me to someplace I've always wanted to explore. Someplace he's been a dozen times. He said there was NOTHING to be scared about, he would spend the night for god sakes. The hardest part would be getting inside undetected by the care taker. We each brought along our best friends, Chris and Chloe. 
I told Ta if he went in with me something was going to happen. So I guess we both were trying to prove something to each other.... 
Chloe really didn't want to "explore" like we all did.... we told her we would leave her alone if she wouldn't come so she was forced. Us girls had one rule, we're not going to the basement. So after a few minutes of the tour and getting turned around, guess where we ended up.
Ta and I were holding arms walking ahead of Chris and Chloe.... walking down a few small steps
"Oh, it's.... the basement" 
We took one step in together, 
And heard this noise... I'm not sure I can really explain in writing. 
It sounded like the background rumble in scary movies. 
Just a paranormal growl almost. Wrapping around the room. So loud so intense. Sounded to me like a demon. It didn't say words but we knew what it meant..... GET OUT 
We turned around screaming pushing Chris and Chloe out of the way. We were all smushed on the staircase for a minute in panic. They didn't hear anything..... they were right behind us. 
When we got back to the car Ta said "what the hell was that dude?!" 
And I said  "I told you...." 

Wednesday, February 22, 2017


SERIES I


 

      There were four of us. I forget whose idea it was, probably one of the older girls. I locked the door on the rare chance my mother wanted to check and see what we were doing. We plugged in our Christmas faux candle, because we were too little to use a real one… or matches. Turned off the lights. In a circle we held hands, and chanted together “spirits come to us”. Three times.

The light went out.

We all ran to the door screaming, frantic, because it was locked.

My mother said no more séance’s at our house.

When I went back to see what happened it looked like there was finger prints burnt into the bulb. Like someone grabbed it, to put it out.

      This was the first spiritual experience I’ve ever had, that I can remember.
I heard in a movie once, if you call out to one ghost they all can hear you.
Maybe this is where it all started.
      Many more to come.

Wednesday, February 15, 2017

24 and....

...Bore
Twenty four and snore..
24 and I NEED MORE!.
Just kidding.
Two years later and I'm back on blogger. 
I'm glad I kept this up even though I didn't post.
Even though I've most likely lost all my readers .
Even if I'm the only one reading,  I still find the need to write .
I like the feeling of having a space that is all mine , to create.
Which was the sole purpose of this blog. 
Even though I was unsuccessful. 
Let's keep trying

The reason I hoped back on blogger, I was sitting at work at my new job. And made a "vision list" , like a vision board. But a list. And I filled up the whole page. In about three minutes. The list included my hopes and dreams , and everything I need to complete them. Goals , notes, and positive affirmations. I like making things. I like creating. I'm going to do it. And a fraction starts here.

Tuesday, September 15, 2015

m a t e r n i t y





The air smells sweet today
I love feeling the cool breeze coming through my windows
Change.
The trees are still green
But its a deep, goodbye, kind of green
Our apples are ripe, and need to be picked
The apples in the farmers yard taste so much better though...
The sun is still strong, summer is holding on
My walks have been short, but lovely none the less
I'm anxiously waiting
For long hikes
& warm colors

Sunday, August 9, 2015

a poem

On being pregnant
The most important thing that I can do right now is stay positive
That shouldn't be to hard considering I have blessings upon blessings coming my way
But things change in an instant
Life
You never know what to expect
What to feel
Being pregnant is trying to relax
When you have a million things to do
It can ache every muscle, every bone, every artery in your body
But you Don't feel pain
It makes you whine to your family
& tell strangers  "I feel great!"
Being pregnant is trying to let out what your feeling inside and somehow the whole thing gets scrambled into
Nonsense
Then you cry because no one knows how your feeling
Or what you mean
You can never get a point across
And if there comes a time where you have a valid point
You'll forget it
.....what was I gonna say?....
Its trying to figure out a whole new life
A new outlook
A new routine
Who is this person going to be?
Who am I going to be?
Who will we be?
What will we all be
Doing?
What should
We be doing....
Being pregnant is comparing the best and the worst
Constantly
What is better?
It is being terrified
Of what is to come
Of the world
Of others
Of yourself
Of someone so little
That you never have even met yet
Whose Probably not so scary after all
Who is going to be so sweet
Who is an extension of you
& the person you love.
Being pregnant is about being strong
 letting go
Just excepting
What is
& what isn't
And loving that
Loving every second of everything
And everyone
Because in the long run
That's all you can do
 

Thursday, July 16, 2015

How Do I Know

I love Ta
Because
When I
Overcook
Our steak dinner
He tells me
That's exactly how he likes it


Thursday, July 2, 2015

T o s h

Two Wednesdays ago
We saw tosh.o do standup at
                           The palace
It was a perfect date night together.
To just go out and laugh.
A lot of pregnancy jokes ironically....
....that Daniel Tosh really hates women.
But it was hillarious none the less.
We both had so much fun & the palace was beautiful

Monday, June 29, 2015

A few quick updates

I've been meaning to blog...
A ton of stuff has been going on. I've wanted to update my blog about the progress and projects.
But my surface pro 2, is out of order for the time being... which is rather inconvenient.
So here is just a quick speed read, written on my phone, about  what has been going on.
-The boys room is painted.
I wanted to do a mountain theme for the babies nursery. Tas son Trey has been extremely understanding about sharing a room with his brother. He is so excited and he is the sweetest little boy.
-We built Trey a floating loft bed
My father and Ta surprised me while I was out and about one evening. They constructed a one of a kind loft bed for Trey... He loves it... we are on the hunt for black bear sheets....
-The babies crib is put together
I got this crib so so long ago.... and it's been in the box begging to be opened. We finally put it together and I love the look. I chose the grey delta manhatten crib, from wayfair. It goes perfectly with our modern theme for the boys room. I swear they have the coolest room.
Attached are some photos of our progress. I got the green grass rug and the faux mountain goat rug from ikea.  As well as the dresser (which is amazing... self closing drawers! & basket area for diapers and wipes!)
That's all for now folks. Hopefully soon I can get my surface pro 2 back in working order...

Thursday, May 28, 2015

About love

The way I felt meeting Ta, for the first time is crystal clear to me.
 I can't remember the rest of that night, what was said or what I was doing. But I can remember something inside me being instantly drawn to him like a bear is to honey.
Without saying a word it was like his soul was screaming "figure me out." I didn't even have one second to think about it, I had no idea, no plan.... I just went with it. It was like second nature. At first glance I saw him as one of those guys that is almost too cool. He didn't try hard, to get mine or any one else's, attention. He didn't seem interested in a conversation even. He didn't look overly impressed by the party,  even though my friends were wild and crazy as they come.   He wasn't looking for anything he didn't already have. He was content.  Almost mysterious.... at the same time being nonchalant. But what happened was the complete opposite from what he was putting off. 
He got my attention, we held a conversation... and everything he said was captivating to me, I was hooked.
  I was probably making a fool of myself drooling over a stranger but it worked some how....

In a few short days the number of times we saw each other couldn't have been a coincidence.
He just kept hanging around, I'd see him here and there. I tried my best to keep it that way. We had so much fun.
And being together was effortless. Secretly I was tip toeing around this person trying to figure him out.
& Trying to impress him for some unknown reason at the time . Most likely being blatantly obvious while doing so, but he didn't seem to notice.
Once I did get to know him, one tiny peek, a sliver, into what he was about - I needed to know more. I had to consume myself with this person instantly. I felt like I would never have enough time with him, to know everything, how he works, what he was thinking, how he was feeling, what he loved , what he hated. I admired this person, intensely.
With out thinking much into it or knowing what we were getting into.... everything just kept falling into place. Since the moment we met, & the first time we kissed, our chemistry together is undeniable. We are magnetic to one another.  He's the positive to my negative. I really believe that opposites attract....
I'm a Sagittarius he is a cancer. .. read about it.
  • What made me fell in love with ta
Being together was enough;
We never had a plan or anything to do.
We had no money and the best times together I could ever imagine.
Just walking around aimlessly. Exploring. Talking.
  I think when I'm older I'll look back at those times and think "I was never happier than that".
It was never about what we had planned or what we wanted.
We had each other. We didn't think about anything else.
It didn't even occur to us there was ever anything more. We had everything we needed.
He was so relaxed. & so funny.
Have you ever met a person so intense about being relaxed? I think that describes him well... nothing seemed to bother him. He used to do the craziest things in the most low key places, he could make anyone laugh. His smile transcended onto everyone around him at all times.  He really was too cool.
He has always had this effortless passion about him. He knew what he liked.
And there was never a time I or anyone else, could change his mind about anything.
  • What I have learned about ta
He is so passionate. & so smart.
Any normal person can say "I like that"...
Ta takes what he likes, studies it, learns and knows everything about it. Can tell you every detail, every fact, the best way to do it.
 He wants everyone to feel as passionately about what he likes as he does.
 He is consumed by his interests & takes them to the next level.
Everything he does, he does 110% . He works so hard. And great is never good enough.
He always strives to be better. I admire this.
 I hope our son has this drive, to do what matters most to him.
I hope our son has his big heart.
 
Ta is the closest thing to fate I think I will ever experience. Without one conscious thought, I just followed my life & I feel like life lead us to each other.  After everything we've been through, I just wanted to say I am eternally grateful, and I truly feel blessed.
 





 

 

 
 
I love you hunny, happy two year anniversary, I cant wait to have many more. I'm so lucky to be on this journey with you. You make your girl so happy. xxo

Wednesday, May 20, 2015

Franklins Tower

In another times forgotten space
Your eyes looked from your mother's face
Wallflower seed on the sand and stone
May the four winds blow you safely home.

Roll away the dew

I'll tell you where the four winds dwell
In Franklin's tower there hangs a bell
It can ring, turn night to day
It can ring like fire when you loose your way.

Roll away the dew

God save the child that rings that bell
It may have one good ring, baby, you can't tell
One watch by night, one watch by day
If you get confused listen to the music play.

Some come to laugh their past away
Some come to make it just one more day
Whichever way your pleasure tends
If you plant ice you're gonna harvest the wind.

Roll away the dew

In Franklin's tower the four winds sleep
Like four lean hounds the lighthouse keep
Wildflower seed on the sand and wind
May the four winds blow you home again.

Roll away the dew
Roll away the dew
Roll away the dew
You'd better roll away the dew

Roll away the dew
Roll away the dew
Roll away the dew
You'd better roll away the dew - roll away.

Friday, May 15, 2015

G R A T E F U L

A lot of women
Don't like this stage
Of their lives
A lot of women
Go through struggles I couldn't imagine
Many women can't get pregnant at all
Some don't want to
Some have horrible pregnancies
Many have complications
Many have miscarriages
A lot of women put everything they can into
Having babies
A few don't really care and do it anyways
Everyones experience is different.
I don't want this blog just to be about being pregnant.
But it's what I'm learning at the moment.
I'm exploring this side of myself I never knew existed.
& I'm so grateful

Thursday, May 7, 2015

Feed me green

Before I was pregnant my diet consisted of
Mountain dew Baja blast
Sour worms
And sunflower seeds.
Now I have another little being
to think of , when choosing what goes into
our bodies.
This is a quick healthy delicious meal, that won't make you reach for the cheezits when your done.
We have been obsessed with grilling this spring, any excuse to go outside really. It's super helpful too because all I have to do is marinate, meal prep, & ask the "grill master" to do the rest. Also if it turns up burnt I can blame it on someone else.
Last night we chose lemon butter flounder with rosemary, and garlic parmesian asparagus.
I put the asparagus in a freezer bag added olive oil; garlic salt; fresh garlic; shake cheese [parm] &shook it all up. Plopped it on foil. Wah lah
For the fish I sprayed down the foil with PAM! Then threw some lemon juice on wildly caught thin sliced boneless flounder fillets. Sprinkled on some rosemary also lemon pepper seasoning & added a few slices of butter.
I loosely covered it with a top sheet of foil and your done. The grill master did the rest. We put the asparagus on first cuz we like is soft but still crispy. And the fish didn't take long at all ... I'm not sure how long because that wasn't up to me. Be careful not to flip the fish because it's light & delicate,  it will fall apart.
I don't have the finish product photos because we ate it so quick! It was perfect and healthy. I hope my little guy enjoyed it as well.
Eating healthy makes me feel way better about having oreos and milk for desert.
IM TRYING!
Have a wonderful afternoon; I LOVE thursdays...

Friday, May 1, 2015

f r i d a y

I wanted to show my pregnancy style, for a basic Friday night out with friends.
I've been liking tighter dresses now that I have my small bump. I chose a natural butterfly print long sleeve dress. With high black boots for some time spent by a fire. I have my lucky Herkimer diamond wrap necklace.  And I paired this outfit with an army green and black leather light peacoat from Steve madden. I did a bold lip with a bold eye; even though everyone says not to... and of corse a bold brow. I went with understated straight hair to finish the look. I like the juxtaposition of natural and over done looks.

Wednesday, April 29, 2015

Saratogian

I just wanted to write a short post about my local newspaper. Because I'm 22, I like to read my news online. If an actual paper was around of corse I would read it, but I moved to Gansevoort and we don't get it. I like to read the police blotter mostly, but the saratogian online app doesn't have the current police blotter... last time they updated it was I think in February. So I switched to view the desktop site. Then an add popped up. I didn't read it...I hit no thanks. I go to click on the saratoga crime page...an add pops up I hit no thanks. It brings me back to the home page.  I click on some robbery thing I see on the home page... an add pops up. It reads
"Your 30 day free article limit has been reached, please sign up to read this article"
NO THANKS!
Does every town/newspaper make you pay to find out what is happening in your community? If I'm a young person wanting to be informed I have to pay for that?... I swear everything is about the dollar these days. Not about community or news.
My blog will always be free. If you need a good read. Sorry I can't inform you who robbed your local piggilly wiggly. I no longer have access to that information.
THANKS SARATOGIAN

Monday, April 27, 2015

A Baby Blue

I know I have been missing.
A lot of changes and big things have been going on.
Our family and I have been super busy.
Although lately we have been hit with hard times and tragedy,
There is also many blessings mixed in.
 
I'm proud to announce our family will be growing!
Along with my belly.
We are expecting.
& guess what... HE'S BLUE!
 
 
Yes we are deffinetly having a boy.
My niece Layla asked if his underwear was blue... because how else could we know.
 
Our son is due on September 17th, 2015 & we are so excited and blessed.
 
I have had a wonderful pregnancy. I never got morning sickness. I've felt great since the day we found out. I don't think I've ever ate as well as I have been lately. I feel healthy and amazing. I'm enjoying my yoga class every Tuesday, and  plan to start prenatal yoga soon, as well as my hypnobirthing class. [read about hypnobirthing here! so inspiring]I plan to have a natural pregnancy and labor [&life!]. This will be my first child, and while worried, I couldn't be happier. I'm 19 weeks and 4 days today. Almost half way through! I feel as if everything is coming too fast. I need to pause life, take a deep breath, and remember this amazing time in my life. Take it all in. I truly haven't felt utter bliss like this ever before. Its the greatest feeling I can't explain. I'm so happy to be in the place I am today, around the most caring, soulful, and selfless people. I can't wait to share this experience with everyone I love, who matter the most. I am a lucky lady.
 
Here is some other news:
  • I got a new job! Yay. I desperately needed a new job. I was so unhappy where I was before, and this new job is awesome. I don't think I've ever liked a job this much. I'm a nanny for a little one year old boy (practice!), who is so smart and lovely. His family are great people, I'm so lucky to have met them and to have this opportunity.
  • We've lost two members of our family, in the same week. My loves Grama Carol. Who was quite the character, and who will truly be missed. We have had many memories with her, and owe her a lot. I'm happy to have met her and had her in my life. What happened was very unfortunate and I wish that their was something I could've done to change the outcome. But CAROL your up where you should be, watch over us we love you down here. & poor old zo zo. Our little white sausage. She was TA's childhood pup. She lived a very long 14 years that little piglet. She was as active as a puppy till her very last day. A very happy and loved dog. We miss you Zoey! I hope there's endless underwear and biscuits up in doggy heaven.
  • We asked our good friends Rich and Aubrey to be our babies spirit parents. They are two of the smartest people I know & they have been on our journey with us through good times and bad. If anything were to happen to us we know we could count on them to guide our little guy spiritually. They are a creative, cultured couple and have an illuminating presence about them.  
  • I'm beginning to put my art on society6. It will be photographs, prints, paintings that you can make into iPhone cases, pillows, tapestries you name it. I haven't published yet but I'm working on it.
 
I haven't done a pregnancy shoot yet but I wanted to show a picture of my belly
'CUZ I'M A PROUD MAMA
 
I'm not too big yet because like I said before, I'm eating really well. Keep reading for future post about eating healthy and yummy or recipes for indulging things I crave. I'm also going to be posting my nursery progression and pregnancy style. As well as other home décor projects now that its spring! I hope people are still reading, I'm going to really try to focus more on writing more regularly, for me & for you. I'm excited to be starting a new chapter and hope to find a following to read my book. (metaphorically)
 
Have a wonderful Monday, stay blessed, may peace be with you!

Wednesday, March 4, 2015

project sketchbook

 
Four sketchbooks deep.
As far back as high school,
[The oldest stuff is first]
I use a variety of mediums,
As well as multiple things to inspire me.
Some things require an explanation,
Some things are just a mess.
[more then] A few are unfinished.
Here is everything you can find in my sketchbooks.

 
In high school I only could draw half of faces....
Also I used the tag "lazy"....[lazy]
 
 

 
 

These are my eyes I had to draw for art
On one of my pictures my teacher wrote
"good observation skills, but slow down!"
I always say if I can't finish a piece in less the 20 minutes it doesn't get completed.




 
 


This is a portrait I did of my best friend chloe, while we were in school.
 
 
 
Picture I drew for my love <3

 



 



 
 




my babe & I
 
 






 



 
 

 
bible.





 


 




The above eight photos are inspired by Brian Frouds artwork in
&
 


Aztec two-step lyrics
s o h a m

 



My kitten.
 
A day doing better things at my messy & horrible work.